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LOST & BROKEN
I came from a broken family where my mother and father divorced when I was real young. My mom raised me and my twin sister the best she could. At age nine I moved away from my mom and twin sister and moved in with my dad and step mom. Over the years I suffered a lot of rejection, heartbreak and sorrow. I was perhaps like most lost souls trying to find acceptance, meaning and purpose, but completely lost to even the concept of a loving personal God. I did however find enjoyment in some oil based clay my step mother gave me at age 14. More about that below.
I SAW JESUS
After graduating High School at age 18, I moved back to California, where I proceeded to live a life of complete self indulgence. Sex, drugs, alcohol. But I was beginning to search for truth. New Age beliefs offered me the comfort of an afterlife without the accountability of some "God" telling me what to do.
Until one fateful night, after a party. It was 2am, when I saw Jesus. The below testimony explains best my life from age 18, my radical conversion experience into Christianity and the greater discovery of the voice and daily presence in my life many years later.
FROM SCULPTING DEVILS to sculpting Jesus
Like I mentioned earlier, when I was 14 my step mother gave me some oil based clay. I used to spend hours sculpting faces, warriors, dungeons and dragons, devils, scantily clad women and pot pipes...
After my radical conversion into Christianity, when I saw Jesus, all I wanted to sculpt was Jesus.
Later in my life I was commissioned by the Tacoma mens Rescue Mission to sculpt the 22 foot 'VICTORY' bronze at the NEW LIFE SQUARE in Tacoma, Washington, of which I was honored.
5 years later I was again commissioned by the Tacoma Rescue Mission to do the 10 foot 'MY LOVE' bronze sculpture at the ADAMS SQUARE family shelter in Tacoma, Washington.
Lost Caterpillar (My Story)
I know it is possible to attend church for twenty years and be a huge fan of God and yet NOT KNOW the voice or daily presence of God, because that was my life. Looking back I now see my life as a carnal Christian, stuck in caterpillar churchianity. I loved God like I loved food, or entertainment, or sports. My faith had become just another form of content 'I loved', but it never transformed my life.
Death of the Caterpillar
All of my broken, earthbound consumerism 'caterpillar ways' came crashing down on my head in 2011-2012. This led to the darkest season of my life, which included a nightmarish divorce, crushing expenses, bills and financial debt. During this fiery trial, it seemed like hell itself was unleashed over my life. I felt so worthless, so terrified, and so alone.
Jesus met me in a $1 journal
Into this darkest season of crushing sadness and despair, a friend recommended I buy a journal and cry out to God on the pages. I hated the idea of writing anything, So I despised my friend's suggestion. I even remember joking with him, saying, "You mean a diary???... Isn't that what girls do??!"....
But because my pain was so great and my Sunday boxed version of Jesus was not helping me, I took him up on it and I bought my first journal.
A $1 journal.
Learning to connect (Cocoon)
The most remarkable thing happened to me as I cried out on the pages of that $1 journal, I began to feel the presence of True Love... I don't know how else to put it. My desperate cries were being answered by the whispers of comfort... the whispers of encouragement... inspired instruction and revelation... wow, the experience was literally hugging me back to life... hugging me back to hope.
The journal began to feel like God's hand was in my hand. This is why I call journaling with God the place of cocooning with His Divine presence. The place of connecting to The Vine (JESUS), and cocooning with His presence (HOLY SPIRIT)... and where true transformation happened in my life.
Knowing True Love (Butterfly)
This is where I discovered that True Love has a voice. I simply had no idea God was so personal. This is where Jesus Himself will 'Pastor' those who are willing to listen. This is why I am so passionate about journaling with God. Literally, I wake up to the presence of True Love every morning. How do you put a price on that?!!
This is why I say, "To know God is to know the daily presence of True Love. To NOT know God is to NOT know the daily presence of True Love.
This has nothing to do with weekly church attendance. You can be like I was for twenty years, a huge fan of Jesus, attending church religiously, and yet NOT know God. (That was me)
The Biggest Problem
Sadly, I believe there are millions of Jesus loving believers that are currently stuck, just like I was for 20 years and they don't even know this deeper experience is possible. They are stuck in the endless pattern of three songs and a sermon, week after week...month after month...year after year...for decades... stuck in what I believe now is a pseudo Christianity, a shallow empty substitute that I fear will cause many to be surprised to hear the terrifying words, "DEPART FROM ME I NEVER KNEW YOU."
And yet they have never been introduced or taught the most valuable lesson on earth... How To Hear God.
This is the most important lesson on earth because it is the starting point to truly knowing the daily presence of God.
The Problem
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